Tekken Vs Broccoli
by RukaStarr
Summary: *ONESHOT* What would happen if everyone was invited over at the Kazama/Mishima residents for dinner? Read about their stupidity...here!


Ahh...this is an old fic I made MANY months ago after watching "Freddy Got Fingered". I decided to continue it today, out of sheer boredom. Please be kind to R&R, bust a gut, and more stupid things.  
  
Tekken vs. Broccoli  
  
  
Jun: Thank you for coming down to have dinner with us!  
All except for Jin, Kazuya, and Heihachi: Thanks for the free food!  
Jun: Now, I hope you will enjoy dinner tonight! I bought a lot of food just for everyone!  
Kazuya: It smells delicious honey! What is it?  
Jun: Hang on! I'll go to the kitchen and get it!  
Heihachi: I had to leave Kuma outside...*sniffle*  
Kazuya: Sorry, no non-humans allowed in my house.  
Heihachi: Then why don't you eat outside?  
Kazuya: Shut up.  
Paul: How do you use chopsticks? Stab 'em like this?   
Marshall: Nope, you pick up the food using both chopsticks, (demonstrates by picking up napkin) like this.  
Paul: So...you eat napkins?  
Marshall: Shut up.  
Jun: I'm back!  
All: Yay!  
Jun: For dinner, we have...  
All: Yes?  
Jun: A nice...  
All: Yes?  
Jun: Steaming bowl of...  
All: (drooling) YES?  
Jun: Broccoli!  
All: (groan)  
Forest: I love broccoli!  
Jun: (ladles broccoli onto Jin's rice) We'll start with the kids first. Jin, have some broccoli.  
Jin: Do I have to eat it?  
Jun: Yes.  
Jin: In front of Hwoarang and Xiaoyu?  
Jun: Yes.  
Jin: Oh snap. (picks up broccoli with his chopsticks and pops it into his mouth)   
Jun: Good?  
Jin: (eyes squinted; chewing slowly) Yes, mother. Yummy broccoli!  
Jun: Good! Hwoarang, you're next.  
Hwoarang: Uh-uh.  
Baek: Eat the tiny trees or else I'm giving your motorcycle to Xiaoyu.  
Hwoarang: AWWWW......(picks up a tiny piece of broccoli with chopsticks, pops it in his mouth, swallows) There, I'm full.  
Baek: Eat more.  
Hwoarang: No.  
Baek: It won't kill you.  
Hwoarang: Yes.  
Baek: Argh. Kazuya?  
Kazuya: Yes?  
Baek: Operation Pry Hwoarang's Mouth Open So We Can Stuff The Whole Bowl Of Broccoli In His Mouth. Or O.P.H.M.O.S.W.C.S.T.W.B.O.B.I.H.M. for short.  
Kazuya: On it! (runs over to the other side of the table where Hwoarang is, pries Hwoarang's mouth open while Baek pours the entire bowl of broccoli in his mouth)  
Hwoarang: Mffmfffmfffffmmmfmmmf (You guys suck.)  
Baek: Huh?  
Xiaoyu: He said You guys suck.  
Baek: Oh  
Baek and Kazuya: Thank you!  
Jun: He must've been hungry. I'll get another bowl!  
Xiaoyu: My poor Hwa-Hwa.  
Jin: Hey! I thought you were going out with me!  
Xiaoyu: Uh-oh...  
Jun: I'm back! (gives everyone broccoli)  
Forest: Wow! I love broccoli! Thank you!  
Jun: Xiaoyu, you're next!  
Xiaoyu: Piece of cake!  
Jun: That's what we're having for dessert! And a German chocolate pie!  
Xiaoyu: (Pops broccoli into her mouth and as suddenly spit it out, hitting King in the process) I forgot! I'm allergic to broccoli!  
King: My mask!   
Jun: Why didn't you say so? Here's some chopped roast duck! All I have left too!  
Xiaoyu: Thanks! (mumbles under breath) Works every time...  
Kazuya: (glares at Xiaoyu)  
King: I just got that mask too!  
All: Ray Romano!   
Ray: Yes, it's me...  
Marshall: What happened to King?  
Ray: (whistles while twiddling fingers) I dunno...  
Meanwhile on Everybody Loves Raymond...  
King: I'm not Ray dammit! I'm King! Successor of King the first and participant of both Tekken 3 and 4!  
Director: Perfect acting Ray. Of course you are King, the wrestler guy with a kitty mask.  
King: THAT'S A JAGUAR FOR THE LAST TIME!!!  
Director: Right...Whatever you say, a jaguar.  
Back to the Kazama/Mishima Residence...  
Heihachi: Well, then what in God's name are you doing here?  
Ray: Oh come on! I just wanna hang out with celebrities!  
Nina: But you are a celebrity. Your on a hit TV series, "Everybody Loves Raymond"!  
Ray: Oh yeah, huh? Well, I don't have to be here anymore! I've had enough with these Speedos anyway! Besides, I don't know how to use chopsticks! (walks out the door)  
Hwoarang: (Swallows last bits of broccoli) There's something you don't see everyday.  
Nina: Actually, Anna, Lee, and I watch him on Everybody Loves Raymond everyday while Heihachi is taking his half an hour sponge bath.  
All: *shiver*  
Jun: Law, you're next.  
Forest: Which Law?  
Jun: You.  
Forest: Oh. But I'm not a kid anymore. I'm twenty five.  
Jun: I know, but you're from the younger, newer generation of Tekken.  
Forest: Oh, ok! I love broccoli! (eats every last bite in five seconds)  
Paul: Dang!  
Xiaoyu: Whoa!  
Baek: Why couldn't you be more like him, Hwoarang?  
Hwoarang: I hate broccoli.  
Heihachi: That was a lot of broccoli.  
Jin: Damn Sam!  
Nina: Day-amn.  
Anna: Huh? What the...  
Lee: What in the name of sweet breakfast meats just happened?  
Kazuya: Another thing you don't see everyday.  
Jun: Wow! Would you like more?  
Forest: No thank you. I would like some dessert, please.  
Jun: Of course. German chocolate pie coming right up!  
Forest: I love pie!  
Paul: Where'd you hide all the broccoli?  
Forest: (pats his tummy) Right in here!  
Paul: You have a bag in there or something?  
Marshall: He ate the broccoli.  
Paul: That's inhumane! You should go outside with the stupid-head bear, the yellow-ribbon wearing panda-  
Xiaoyu: That's gold!  
Paul: Whatever! The boxing kangaroo, the loser from Jurassic Park, and the midget orange Barney!  
Marshall: Don't talk to my son that way! Show him respect!  
Kazuya: Nappy Boy, I hate you!  
Jin: This family stinks!  
Bryan: Leave me alone! No one understands me!  
Heihachi: Since when did you become a part of my reject family?  
Bryan: Never. Sorry.  
Heihachi: You should be, dead man.  
Bryan: Zombie! ZOMBIE! Can't you guys get that? It's zombie man, not dead man!  
Nemesis: I hear you, brother.  
Bryan: Finally! Someone understands me!  
Jill: There you are! (shoots Nemesis)  
Nemesis: AAAHHH!!! (kneeling on the ground while wincing in pain)  
Carlos: Hey, Senorita. (winks at Xiaoyu)  
Xiaoyu: OHMYGOD!!! (drops juice cup on Nemesis)  
Nemesis: (melting) I'm melting I tell you! MEELLTTIINNGG!!  
Jill: But you only speak one word throughout the entire game.  
Nemesis: (pauses melting) Oh yeah! (continues melting) MELT. MELT. MEEEELLLT!  
Xiaoyu: Will you be my boyfriend?  
Carlos: Hmm...too young for me...  
Xiaoyu: PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE!!!  
Carlos: Hmm...what the hell. Alright then, miss...uhhh...what's your name?  
Xiaoyu: XIAOYU! Ling Xiaoyu!  
Carlos: Well, Miss Ling, shall we? (holds out his arm)  
Xiaoyu: Where are we going?  
Carlos: Uhhh...Raccoon City Diner okay?  
Xiaoyu: Perfect! I have a move called Raccoon kick, you know?  
Carlos: Cool. (both leave the Kazama/Mishima Residence. Motor can be heard revving and leaving)  
Jill: MY MOTORCYCLE!!! (runs out of the door. running, shots fired from a Benelli M39 Shotgun, Xiaoyu screaming, and zombies can be heard from outside)  
Lei: You better join your family, Bryan.  
Anna: Ouch.  
Kazuya: That was a cold blow.  
Bryan: Shut up.  
Jin: That...lowlife son of a bitch...  
Hwoarang: How many boyfriends now...   
Jin: Three now...  
Jun: OKAY everyone...EAT YOUR BROCOLLI!!!  
All (including Jill and the zombies): FINE!! *munch, munch* Eww...  
Zombie #1: I like big butts...  
Paul: And I cannot lie! You other brothers can't deny! When a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist and that round thing in your face you get-  
Jun: (interrupts) More broccoli!! (ladles more broccoli on Paul's rice)  
Paul: Oh snap. (starts eating broccoli)  
Jin: I ATE ALL MY BROCCOLI!!!  
Jun: Wonderful! Now you can eat your dessert!  
Jin: I can't eeeaaaaa....(face falls onto pie)  
Hwoarang: BWAHAAHAHAHAA AHHACCKKK! (chokes on broccoli)  
Baek: I told you to chew before you swallow!  
Hwoarang: Ack...help me...  
Jun: Baek, I think you should help him.  
Baek: Bah, that's what he gets for not chewing his broccoli.  
Jun: Someone, help Hwoarang!  
Combot: Combot help. (gives Hwoarang the Heimlich Maneuver)  
Hwoarang: GWAAAA!!! (shoots out broccoli)  
Baek: Now, Remember what I have told you, Hwoarang?  
Hwoarang: Uhh...lesse...NEVER talk to old, ugly ladies and go for the hookers.  
All: *GASP*  
Baek: No!   
Hwoarang: Okay then...I think it was "Go out with the rich girls, have the usual one night stand, and leave with the money after having a good time."  
All: *GASP*  
Baek: NO! CHEW BEFORE YOU SWALLOW!!!  
Hwoarang: Oh, yeah. THAT one!  
Kazuya: Baek, where'd he learn all that from?  
Baek: Uhh...porn?  
Jun: EVERYONE! FINISH YOUR BROCCOLI!!! OR NO DESSERT FOR THE LOT OF YOU!!!  
All: *eat their broccoli hastily*  
Kazuya: This might be more interesting then that Tekken Jeopardy thing...(A/N: Legendary Dark Knight Sparda, I hope that's no offense to ya!)  
Combot: Malfunction! Malfunction! (breaks down)  
Lee: AACK! You ruined my ULTIMATE fighting machine!!! I spent 20 million dollars on it!!!  
Kazuya: So? That's CHUMP change to me! Just look at my house!!!  
Heihachi: But what about-  
Kazuya: BE HAPPY I LET YOU LIVE HERE, OLD MAN!!!  
Heihachi: Well...CAN'T I GET SOME DECENT CLOTHES?!?!  
All: SHUT UP!!!  
Heihachi: Well, I'm better off on Tekken Jeopardy!!  
Legendary Dark Knight Sparda: DAMMIT MAN, put on some CLOTHES!!!   
Heihachi: Wha?  
LDKS: ARGH!!! (stabs Heihachi with Alastor)  
Heihachi: *dies*  
Kazuya: Thanks man! I've been trying to think of ways to get rid of him. First, I thought of throwing him off a cliff, but it's already been taken. Then I thought of throwing into a volcano, but with that toxic diaper, he might blow up the world!  
LDKS: No prob, Kazuya! I'm here anytime!!   
Jin: *gets off his pie* Hey dude, here's the cash I promised.  
LDKS: All of it?  
Jin: Yep, all 1 mill.  
LDKS: SAWEET! Now off to buy Dante's trench coat!!!  
Dante: He bought Ebony. He bought Ivory. He bought Alastor. NOW WHY IN THE FRIGGEN HELL WOULD HE BUY MY TRENCH COAT?!?!  
Jun: What...a wonderful way to end dinner...Let's do this again tomorrow night!!!  
All: NO! *run off the premises*  
Jin: I'm going to bed. G'night.  
Jun: Good night, honey! Now, about all these dishes...  
Kazuya: Naw, leave them there. Let the butler deal with it. Let's do again what we did last night...*wink wink*  
Jun: OOO!!! Okay...  
They go upstairs...  
Benny the Butler: Aww...more dishes to wash...more broccoli to eat...*sigh*  
What an excellent way to end dinner! There's your first role, Legendary Dark Knight Sparda! Your permanent role will be in "Happiness in Disneyland"! You probably already know what that is, right? Good. Now, I know the story kinda fell apart in the end...well, it's an old fic that I felt like continuing. Aw well, you guys know the drill. R&R OR I KICK YOUR CANDY ASS!!!  
Rock: Shut up.  
Me: Okay... 


End file.
